It is no lie… anyone who knows me knows I am head over heals… discustingly so…
Sometimes though… its best to throw in the hat and give up…
Some people just can not be together…
I was dumb enough to belive in the false hopes… That is my own fault… I should know better than to take a man at face value…
…Sometimes to maintain the feelings… its better to walk away…
I did not write this… But I could have… This could be an open letter to everybody I care about…
I really have nothing to add… The letter says it all…
This time of year really effects me. This is the time of year I like to curl up with some coffee and enjoy a good book. I am also reminded of how much I miss my tan, and the feeling of the summer sun on my skin. I am truly a summer child. Texas summers are hotter than most people can handle but I have been here most of my life. I have to admit though they get to much for even me.
I do not handle cold well.
I hate being so in… heart… I am trying not to use that dirty L word though…
I can not help it… a few days during sex I told my lover that I love him… I was drunk (understatement I drank a whole bottle of wine and LOTS of vodka). So in that beautiful moment of climax I did… i told him that I love him.
The next day he gave me shit about it, and I did not even remember saying it. he was gone by the time i remembered saying it. My reply was simple…”What? Like it is any secret. Everybody knows I feel that way except me.” I told him I really meant it too. He said he knew I did…
so I confessed a simple truth about me yesterday… One that I thought he knew already… He was shocked… There are things about me that I make exceptions for him… He does not seem to realize this… (For example I really am a bitch and kind of demanding of my friends; but not him. That is just one of many exceptions I make for him.)
This seemed to effect him… he had an epiphany of some kind… I am not exactly sure what it was but he kept saying I see it know, and suddenly so much makes since… again not sure what his epiphany was.. I kind of wish I did…
So he came over last night… I admit a part of me did really need him…
The way he looked at me… I feel even harder for him… in his eyes… WOW… it made me blush the way he looked at me… I know this much though… There is no greater passion then amazing sex and soft kisses…
Thank you darling for making me so vulnerable… ask anyone who knows me (other than my mother) and they will say I am not vulnerable… Yet.. for you… I am…
I hate feeling… all mushy girlie!!!! blah… Fuck love… I hate it…
But I am in heart with someone… (shhhh don’t tell me that though… it’s a secret)
Every little girl is taught that true love is out there. They will meet their own prince charming, and be whisked away from their horrid life to find something better. He will be hansom, and rich, and do what ever you want him to do. Then the little girl grows up. She wonders, “Who is my prince charming?” Many find a guy and think, “Well he is ok I will stay with him till something better comes along.” Then some realize the worst. There is no prince out there. Love at first sight is a dream. Some people even start to doubt there is such a thing as love. They become bitter, and hateful.
Love is real but it is not tangible. You can not hold it, you can not keep it. You can only give it. Love is fleeting, love is not lasting and it does not form a permanent bond. Love is in a moment. In a single moment you can love something so deeply that it is truly your whole world. Then the next morning when you wake, it is no longer there. Most people will try to continue to fake the love, because they do not want to hurt the other person. They do care for said person, just not in love anymore. So they go on, sometimes for years saying the three words until they lose all meaning and the moments are gone. Yet they keep going through the motions. Then they start to hate the person for killing that in them. This is the real end of most people’s marriages.
I try to say, “In this moment, I love you.” They do not get that once the moment is over, the feeling has passed. In that single moment though, I do love them. I love them with all that I am, and I do not care if they return that or not.
Love can be a touch, a kiss, and embrace. It could be sex; it could be just a single moment of perfection. Any yes, love at first sight can be real when sharing a real human connection. Love was never meant to be forever. There is nothing that is forever. All things are easily taken away, or even thrown away. When choosing a mate, look for kindness, gentleness, a real connection, and the ability to share real human moments. Never chose only for love. In the end if there is only love, then there is nothing. All someone can ask is for a little kindness because there is so little of that in this world.
Love is a four letter word. This is all, nothing more. A true moment of love, there is no word for. It just is. In that moment love is like wind, flowing, moving, and unobtainable. It can be soothing on a hot day, than it can become a storm, a whirlwind. It can tear you down, and it can build you up. It can never, ever be lasting. It is gone as fast as it can come. The beautiful thing about love is that once it is gone, it can always come back. It never leaves us forever. You will lead a happier and richer life once you realize love is in the moment, and it is just a four letter word.
I am falling head over heals for a wonderful guy…
but this guy seems so far out of my league i don’t get why he wants me… it scares me…. I fear when i am in love not just falling then the novelty of me will wear off…
so here I am… I am Alice, livening in my own wonderland… falling deeper and deeper down the rabbit hole… I wish the falling would stop cuz the world spinning and making me dizzy…
most of all i miss him so much, and I saw him last night, felt his touch and kiss less than 24 hours ago… Made love to him yesterday morning, and text him non-stop! Yet that is just not enough…
Yet i fear the day he is tired of me… oh because someday he will! someday he will see just how much of a screw up I am…. thats why i try to not fall to hard… it may be to late though…
Life With Naomi
