Well it took me a few shots of vodka, and 2 cups of coffee but I have a Rant done… I did not get any chapter work done though. This makes me sad… But tomorrow I am going to try a little harder. But sadly my book has been neglected…
I have reached the point of insomnia where I have begun to hallucinate. Don’t worry it is nothing major. There is no Jesus riding a peacock kind of crap. I just have the whole breathing floors and walls, and moving shadows kind of thing going. It is unsettling for sure but I am at least awake enough to know that it is not real. Now only if I could get some real healthy sleep.
I have tossed and turned in the dark so long, that I have now given up. Every light is now on and the TV is up loud. I have checked my e-mail a half a dozen times, and opened up a book to try and read. If anyone else was in the room with me I would have driven them crazy. Even while reading I can not sit or lay in one position for more that three or four pages. It is also hard to concentrate on the words on the page.
I hate insomnia. I can never get comfortable, I am hot, and then cold, then I get hot again. I am unable to get cozy and I can not think quite right. Maybe I am off somewhere at a diagonal left.
Before I realize it I have finished reading the book. That was four hundred pages of time killer. Now what do I do? I pace, I take a walk, and then a long hot shower after loosens my tense back. After all of this I still do not feel the lovely grasp of sleep. In the last forty-eight hours I have only have four hours of sleep. When you go this long with out sleep you lose all track of time, and all you can think is, “Have I really been awake for twenty hours straight?”
We humans were not made to work under these conditions yet some how I trudge on. One of my favorite lines in school was, “Eh, I’ll sleep when I’m dead, I don’t need to now.” I am sure I said that earlier today, but in truth I do the sleep. I just can’t find it. I did learn that my plaid sheet have 1,530 white squares in it. Next I think I will count the light blue and then the dark blue ones after that. Yes, I am that tired. I would start another book but I can’t decide if reading made me tired or if the story was so good that that is what kept me up six-teen of the twenty hours.
With the TV off again and the lights back off I stare wide eyed into the dark. I am praying for the sweet darkness to fill my brain, but she will not come. I wish I could just bang my head against the wall and knock myself out. I already took a few sleeping pills, and I know if I take more I will make myself sick, and I gave up the coffee early this morning. Than again that could have been yesterday morning.
Around four in the morning I decide I am past the point of no return. At this point I may as well get coffee. I know I will not get any real sleep, but the coffee helps me think a little clearer. Driving tired is worse than driving drunk. When drunk I am able to react at least, even if it is slow. When I am like this though, there is really no reaction. Stab me I bet I would not even flinch. I may even be grateful because than at least in death I would find some kind of peace.
To top this all off I am having sinus problems. There is only one kind of allergy medicine that really makes me feel better, but it amps me up really bad. If I did do drugs, this is what I think I would feel like. The medicine would only make it worse. So I decide to learn to live with this discomfort.
Insomnia is a painful thing. It drives a man crazy, and makes people do odd things. I really think I can be as deadly as anything else out there. At least I am not creating any odd alter egos. Well I guess I have really, I just live my alter ego all the time now. Why else would I live my life less ordinary with Naomi?
