Research for my book

I love research! It is my favorite hobby!

I often will research random topics just cuz!

Today though I have a use for my research. I am working On my book. So i am looking up my favorite City in history! Deir el-Madina… It was the city of the people who built the tombs in the valley of the Kings of Ancient Egypt. This city has fascinated me my whole life. These were the hardest working free men and women of Egypt’s long history and the city is as old as the valley of the kings. I have often dreamed of what it must have been like to be a young woman in this place with long work hours and hot weather. Although i know it must have been hard and often deadly i for some reason envied theses people.

I have always said hard work is good for the soul, and I stand by that. When ever I am working and i feel that i am to tired and can not finish what i am doing i always picture a young girl walking the long road from Dier el-Madina to work at some form of art in the tombs. This for some reason has given me strength as long as I can remember. In my life i have made up a life for this girl, and changed her job many times. I have always had the same name for her though… Nitimai… She is the real inspiration for my book. She is my inspiration in so many ways…

I realize she is fiction, i realize this woman never walked that path i see in my mind, but yet i feel she is very real inside me. I have never really told anyone about her. I have never told anyone the strength she gives me. In her own way she has saved me, and kept me going… For her who never lived is for who i write my book… to give Nitiami a real voice…

Ok now i know you wonder what dose this have to do with my book… I will give you a hint, but not a big one cuz it would be a spoiler….

Naomi is Nitimai

Update to a page

I have updated the page about my book. I posted links to the different posts I have made with rants and such. I also have the link to the post i made with my cannibal essay.

So if you have not read all of the rants posted feel free to check all that out.. I may be also posting chapter two soon… Maybe even later tonight…

New rant form my book/ In this Moment

I have taken to long of a break from my book. Oops I got lazy.. So anyway i have been working on it all afternoon. I plan to work on it long into the night. I need to get a few chapters done. At least one more rant. I have done a chapter and a half today. I also cleaned up a rant and inserted it into the book already.

I have also written the time line for my conclusion. I also have started notes for the second book.

Anyway here is the rant that I cleaned up today… It is kind of how I live today…

In This Moment

Life is all about a single moment. You are not your past and, you are not your future. You are right now, this moment, this one here, presently. Everything that is happing is in the immediate. If you do not like what is going on right now, than change it. You control what happens to you. Enlightenment happens when we learn this. I also think that all moments are one in the same, all in constant happening. That is a train of thought for another day, and maybe from another person from another person.

Too many people walk around living in their past and they can not see how wonderful the world around them is. They are zombies to pains of yesterday. Bad things happen to all people. It is what we do after them that make us stronger or defeats us. Yes it is important to learn from our past, and to never forget it. One should never forget the lessons that already learned. On the same note though, one can not let these things weigh them down. You learn, you remember, you move on. Take the veil of past failures off your eyes, and look at how lovely the present moment is.

Other people live in fear of the future and things to come. Okay not always in fear of, but obsessed with it. They spend so much unable to wait that they pass everything by with out ever stopping to look. There is a saying from the Talmud, “Everywhere you look there is something to be seen.” Now I can see worrying about where you are going to end up. That makes perfect sense, and one should keep an eye where they are going so they do not find themselves in a bad place. At the same time though if you look to far ahead, you may trip over something going on right now.

These things though should never rule us. Learn from your past, watch where you are going, but always enjoy the moment. If we focus on the things we are doing right this second, then we can enjoy those things. I f you are not careful you will wake up one day to realize you are just going through the motions, and they have become meaningless. When touching your lover treasure how it feels to touch them right then. When talking to someone, think of what is being said, do not just wait for your turn to speak. You may even learn something that way.

To truly find the moment close your eyes, take a deep slow breath, and then look at the world around you. I mean really look at it. Let your self see every detail around you and take it in as if it is the first time you are really seeing it. Let go of your past, let go of your worries, and be. If you like what is there then totally throw yourself into it. If you do not like it, then leave. Go on to the next moment. You are the author of your life, so only write yourself into the places you need and want to be. Life is a series of rooms. Base your moments on who you share the room with. Only share moments with the people you want to share them with. It means more that way. Have a real human moment.

If you have no ordinary moment, than by far you have no ordinary life. Live every day like it really matters, because it does! Never forget that! Live the life less ordinary, and be a part of the evolution revolution.

36 hours

with out sleep….

They are after me… the creepy bugs… I have now killed 5 of them… There sre few things in the world that creep me out but these big ass bugs scare the crap out of me…

I have never even been able to kill one before… i always made others do it… my room mate is passed out and no one else is here…

I did watch the first 2 seasons of the show weeds, and all of the Tick shows…

I am on Dilbert now… About half way through it…

The stress of fighting the evil bugs go to me though and my heart is Racing!!!! I fucken hate those things!!!!!

This is me… Creeped out… and I am starting to hallucinate

insanity sucks

Warning this post is mostly my insanity talking…. I just need to vent…. your better off just skipping it… If you know me you know i have issues…

I don’t really know why i am venting this here…. i really don’t want any comments or people asking how I am doing later but blah….

I am an asphxiophiliac insomniac schizophrenic…. That right there is enough to make me wonder why I am still alive….

I can sleep unless I wear myself out so badly that i pass out, but then again the voices keep me up…. I’m only calm when i can not breath, and one can only not breath for so long with out even more trauma to an already shattered mind and body….

This is a scary place to be… I can not say I am suicidal or any thing but… well at least with death the voices would shut up and I could get some fucking rest…

nope really i don’t sleep… i pass out for a few hours here and there… been that way most of my life… I can kind of even deal with that part…

The hard part is all in my head…. literally…

Most of all I am guess i really am just tired…

Tired of not sleeping, Tired of not caring, tired of being alone, tired of thinking to much, tired of not having a job, tired of the voices in my head telling me how worthless I am and the people around me just proving them right…  God I am just tired…

FUCK FUCK FUCK

Please God give me sleep, give me peace of mind and give me a fucking break… you took everything away… can I get something back????

No more Sick!!!

I am not really sick today… I still feel a little blah, but I will be ok

I am going to go walking today with my roommate  we are going to start doing that every day if the weather is good…

I love to walk…

depressed

not going to get into why….

I am sick, and my arthritis is acting up and that is no help….

I am so lonely yet at the same time I just want to be left alone….

being sick sucks

I hate feeling sick…

I have a cold or something… Last night i had a fever, and was completely miserable…

After some semi decent sleep, a hot bath and cozy Pjs I am starting to feel human…

After this glass of water i am going to make a Hot Toddy so i can breath…

My roommate is the best though.. He is going to get me some medicine and Klenex…

update

I am a little sick of myspace, so I don’t think i will be on it for a bit….

I will still be posting here though!!!!

Violent Femmes American Music

Violent FemmesAmerican Music
Do you like amercan music
I like american music
don’t you like american music baby
I want you to hold me
I want your arms around me
I want you to hold me baby
did you do too many drugs
I did too many drugs
did you do too many drugs too baby
you were born too late
I was born too soon
but every time I look at that ugly moon
it reminds me of you
it reminds me of you ooh ooh ooh
I need a date to the prom
would you like to come along
but nobody would go to the prom with me baby
they didn’t like american music
they never heard american music
they didn’t know the music was in my soul baby
you were born too soon
I was born too late
but every time I look at that ugly lake
it reminds me of me
it reminds me of me
do you like american music
we like american music
I like american music baby
do you like american music
we like all kinds of music
but I like american music best
baby you were born too late
and i was born too late
but every time I look at that ugly lake
it reminds me of me
it reminds me of me
do you like american music
it reminds me of me
do you like american music…